My love is like a story book story……


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One day I met a girl. With in a few weeks I asked her to marry me. I don’t know why I did so soon but it felt right. She was perfect, sexy, smart, caring, funny and interesting. She was the one.
From the day we met I loved her and I loved her more everyday after that. From meeting till engagement was only a couple of months. From meeting till our wedding was one year nine months. Not long but we were young and in love. Some may have thought we were too young. 21 years old is young. But somehow we knew it was right.
By 25 we were parents and home owners. Our first-born came into the world three years after we were married. Again we were young to be parents and some may have thought so too, but again we knew it was right. Soon after we were expecting our second child. 14 months after our son was born we gave him a sister. How this woman put up with me, bought a house, worked full-time and had two children was amazing to me, but, again, she still had more to amaze me with.
When our daughter was born I fell deathly ill. This woman had a new-born baby, a one year old and now a husband in a comatose state and the doctors telling her he wont live thru the night. Six weeks went by like this till I “awoke”. However I wasnt better. It was several more months till I recovered fully and this woman was by my side everyday, every step. After this she put up with me going away all the time and never home on weekends with a very low paying job. She was there for the kids and me everyday.
Then one day she asked what I thought about moving to Brisbane with her job. I think it was this event that made me realize just how much I loved her. I said lets go, so we did, and again she put up with me not having work when we got here and going away again every month to paintball. Everyday she was still beside me when I awoke and when I went to sleep.
She had some issues that she told me about but i did not understand. She went and saw a doctor who said she had anxiety. I joked about it. Being all in her head. We were both working and earning well. Things were absolutely perfect. We owned a beautiful house, had the cars of our dreams, two perfect children (we thought so anyway) and most importantly each other. The. as the world would have it day turned to night.
In a few short months after our 40 th birthday and renewal of vows (one of the best days of my life) she was made redundant at her job. Not a major problem financially but emotionally is was. Again I didn’t really understand what she felt. I just knew we would be right. Then I had some personal issues. I went to a doctor and was told I have depression and anxiety. I left my job due to this. We were both unemployed and with “mental” illnesses and yet again this woman was there for me and still is in every way imaginable.

All through this we stayed together. We worked to get better, to heal each other. Now, two years later, we own a company that I now work for and she has another job using her skills that she loves. Hopefully soon we will be back where we were two years ago. Only this time we won’t fall.

This woman has been with me, for me and loved me for over twenty two years, twenty of them as my wife. In all of those years we have never had a fight, never gone to bed angry or upset and never stopped loving each other more and more everyday.

To others out there that are battling the black dog, keep fighting the good fight. Never be afraid to seek help or except it. And most of all, never drive your loved ones away.

To my wife, you are my heart and my soul, my wife and my life. My lover and best friend. I have always and will always love you. You are simply the greatest woman I have ever know.

Thank you for being “cookies mate” and cutting your fries up and for everything over the last twenty two years you have given me.

Two years have past.


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life is so short
when measured over time
but measure it it a different way
and i think that you will find
that certain lives
are long and fulfilling
full of joy and happiness
and god willing

love is all around us
but some of us do not see
until it is to late
for love to set us free
from hatred and from sorrow
and depression and remorse
no love in your life
will steer you on a course
of darkness

darkness can be overcome
with a shining light
and one thing that shines so
strong, intense and bright
can be found by all
if you just look around
at those that are there for you
with love they will surround
your life.


berlin wall


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I remember watching this on tv when it happened. I was scared, I grew up under the threat of nuclear war and now it seemed unlikely to happen but what now? Now we are still the same, wars happen and tensions rise. But the wall came down? No more war, right? Just as WWI was meant to be the war to end all wars, the end of the cold war didn’t mean no more war. It is, unfortunately, human nature. For as long as there has been man there has been war. So how do we end wars? End man? The cold war made that threat. No. We do not need to end man, we just need to end the way we think. War occurs when men disagree on something, be it land, assets or beliefs. Power, power over land, assets or beliefs. Should men have such power? Should women? Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolute. Modern countries need to realise that one person should never have total control. A lot of countries understand this with the way they have set up their governments. However even the great shining light of democracy seems to forget that from time to time. Even thou term limits are in place for some political positions, some aren’t and some just end up with a family running again and again. My own country a few years ago voted in most of the same members from the party they threw out less than six years before. Like the arab spring in the middle east of recent years, we need a new spring in the western countries too. Capitalism is running us all and democracy is becoming a thing of the pass like the Wall. Democrat, Republican, Liberal or Labor, we need don’t seem to have much of a choice especially when the other little parties just don’t seem a good choice. BUT when they are the only other choice between the same old same old and a new future, maybe we should give them a go. Even if it is to shake up the “usual suspects”.

Gay marriage? You mean marriage!


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It doesn’t matter if there is a mummy and a daddy, two mummies, two daddies.  It doesn’t even matter if there only one mum or dad.  Children just need love and guidance.  Raise your children with love, show them right from wrong, teach them respect and give them more love.  Be a good parent and you will raise good children.

bad day.


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why do i have to change? why is it my problem? things that trigger me are allowed to stay but i have to ignore them? how about those triggers fucking change? how about those that spark me off realise that they are causing this…how about they stop and think and change so i dont get fucked up? is it to much to ask? it is little things that get to me. i am told dont let the little thing bother you but when a little shit starts to pile up soon you are neck deep and trying to survive. why is it i have to be considerate of others when they are not of me? todays world has been fed “you can do anything” and ” you are special, dont worry about other, do what you want” to a point were no one cares about others. it is all about me. well guess what. i can be like that to so fuck you all. i am what i am and if that seems fucked up to you the fuck off and live your life and leave me to mine. i am special. i can do anything and i dont give a fuck about others.

Media Sensationalism. Hughes vs Hinch.


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“Hughes lets Rip!”. “Hughes calls Hinch a W$&@er!” National headlines yesterday after Monday nights episode of Q&A on the ABC where comedian Dave Hughes called commentator Derryn Hinch a wanker.

Why the profanity? The panel was discussing the Australian Prime Minister chugging a beer and the message it gave to binge drinking. Hughesy was talking about how (beer drinkers and spirit) drinkers drink to get drunk not for the taste of the alcohol, in his typical larrikin way, when Hinch stated he drank wine as he liked the taste. Hughes, in my opinion, replies what everyone who doesn’t drink wine thinks of wine drinkers, “yes but you’re a wanker.”. Why do us none wine drinkers think that? To me wine is a “rich persons” drink. they drink it with a hint of wankerey. Of course this is not true, it is just a years old Aussie beer drinking perception and thus a cause for jocularity. Hughesy, to my observation, meant no ill will to Hinch and Hinch reply of “It takes one to know one.” was a typical, if some what lame, comeback. The next morning they were both on local radio wondering what all the fuss was about.

The fuss was about selling newspapers and TV ad spots. Media it seems had nothing better to report on so they sensationalized the story and gave a brief cover of the events without giving the full context of the statement. Did it work for them? Well I am here talking about it and you are reading about it.

As for the PM drinking a beer, well I think he is more of a wine drinker myself and like Hughesy said………

Blood is thicker then water.


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I don’t know whether it is just me or if anyone else has this kind of relationship with their blood relatives. The whole you can pick your friends but not your family, well some days I wish we could.

I have never had a close relationship with my mother, father or three older brothers. I knew mum and dad loved me and I love them but I always felt like the black sheep. My oldest brother left home at 15 and went to work in the railway. My next oldest was a cricketer of some repute in the day and my next brother was a cricketing STAR and still is. Many around town knew of the “Logan boys” and their sporting prowess. Many more new of my fathers skills and expertise in motor building. Mother worked odd jobs all over and was always the faithful wife by dads side, in sickness and health (I don’t remember much of the health, mostly sickness). She worked selling tickets for charities, the corner shop at the beach when we went on holidays and was there for us all it seemed.

Then there was me, the youngest “Logan”. At school everyone thought i would be the great sports star like my two older brothers. Boy were they wrong. I got knocked out in my first cricket match. I was the wicket keeper (why I don’t know as my brothers were batsmen and bowlers) and out paceman “Jonesy” sent a screamer that made it past the batsman, past the stumps and past my gloves. Good thing my head was there to stop it going to the boundary for four byes. So I gave tennis a go. Day one on the tennis court, I tossed the ball up to serve when a cricket ball, from the practice nets next to the court, came over the fence and smashed me on the top of the head and, you guessed it, knocked me out. Football and soccer never appealed to me, to many rules, so next up was hockey (not ice but field for you peoples in the northern hemisphere).

I actually was not bad at hockey and did play it for many years until one time when I representing my district, I was made goalie because the guy who was meant to be was sick. Not a worries, I had played goalie in training many times, so give me the gear and I will suit up. All the gear was with the sick goalie, back home, four hours away. We scavenged gear from other teams, any spares they had and managed to get all we needed except one piece. Groin protection, a box, a cup or what ever it is called in your land. So the only thing protecting my “manhood” was a thin layer of cotton and a thinner layer of polyester (my undies and shorts). You will never guess what happened in the first game? Yep, right in the meat and two veg, the mummy and daddy button, the franks and beans. Of to hospital we went (when “they” swell up and turn black you should seek medical advice). Go in to see the doc who tells me to ice them and go see my doc back home in a week if there still problems. Well there were still problems a week later. I was given the choose of no sport, rough housing or any kind of activity that will aggravate my potatoes in any way for the next six months OR cut them off. Guess which I choose as a 15-year-old boy? Six months went by and i was cleared and announced healthy again.

Which brings me to today where I am married and have two kids (they definitely mine, poor son looks just like me and daughter is my personality thru and thru). I loved my Dad but I do not remember ever thinking I want to be like him, follow him in career or hobbies ect. Growing up he was forever getting me to help with cars, radios and electric things. Really turned me off them as a young man. Now thou I wish I had done more with
him, especially with the cars as I now have a love of old cars. But it is too late for that now, way to late. Looking at the way my son is with me reminds me of my time with my dad, he doesn’t want to do things I do, work or hobby wise. It use to bother me, I felt like i was doing something wrong and being a bad father maybe. Now I know it is just the way it is with teenagers, I know both from reflecting on my younger self and by talking to my shrink about it (He says it is normal, it must be. He the doc). I want to do more with my boy (I do a lot with my girl, we been shooting, comic cons, photography) but I am not going to force him and drive him away. So long as I am there for him and he knows it, well, it is all I can do.



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The following was a passage I wrote when I was beginning to emerge from the dark back to the light.

It is so strange to me that I can go from such a high, great weekend feeling good to 48 hrs later feeling like what is the point. I know I have things to do but why? They don’t need to be done now do they? What if I don’t do them? What if I don’t do anything again? Why not just one more thing and then it is over? No more worries for me. No more sleep problems, no more anger for feeling useless. No more worries about the future for me. But what about Meg and the kids? Will they be better off with out me? Sure they would. I won’t be wasting time, money, space or their lives with my misery. Insurance will give them some money to get thru some bills and they will be ok.

Then I think about what if one of them left us? Would I be better off?

No. I want them.

I want to see them grow up, be happy, have kids if they wish. I want to sit beside Megan on a deck, drinking my coffee and looking at her grey hair, wrinkled face and beautiful blue eyes for ever. I want the kids to be part of our lives till our natural ending. To visit us at our dream home with their loved ones. I want to see Harry and Shooshy grow up to be the wonderful people I know they are going to be. To be better then I was in life and yet hopefully still love me for how I tried. I want to be there for all of that and more.

And I hope they want to as well. That is why I will never taste the barrel again. That is why I will not take the easy way out. Because my family is worth the struggle.