Bush fires, world war 3, coronavirus.  This year has been crazy.  And when you are also crazy it can make life a little bit difficult. For the last eight years I have been on some pretty decent doses of the SNRI Desvenlafaxine and regular psychiatrist visits for depression and anxiety (ptsd).   So this year has so far been “BOIIINGGGGGGGG CRAZY!”.

 

The lockdown and isolation (work from home for family) has really messed my normal around.  I work from home all the time.  If I not doing actual necessary work (own business), I pod and plot around the house fixing things or building things.  Home was my isolation, my leave the world out there alone place.  No one bothered me, I never have my phone on me unless I go out.  If people want to get in touch they know to use social media apps as I will always have my trusty iPad with me, looking up things to make, do and learn.  The wife and kids would get up and go to work everyday.  I would then get about what I wanted to do.

But now, they wife gets up and goes to work, in the lounge room. Her job a management position in a multi national company and she is constantly talking and directing people on the phone or zoom, all day.  I didn’t think it would really bother me and my day.  It not like I sit in the lounge all day everyday.  I might watch a movie  or show every now and then but I usually go down stairs to the carhole (garage) or yard. I could even go to the rumpus room to watch something if I wanted to. However I seemed to just want to sit and be near her all day.

Now I don’t even want to do that as much.  I find it hard to get out of bed most days, because she is out there and I don’t want to interrupt her working.  I will literally lay in bed and not got to get a drink or food or toilet until as late as I can.  It makes me feel very slack, lazy, useless.  I hope a change back to the old days will snap me out of it.  When she goes back to the office for a few days a week I pray I will go out and do things.

Getting tired now, need some sleep.  It must be lunchtime………….

When you are young you want to do things go places and do stuff…..i remember always doing something. Being with friends,riding bikes, watching movies or listening to music…

Now i want to feel….feel the air on my face when out driving….feel the sun on my skin…feel the bed grab me when i fall into it at night….feel the warmth from my wifes hand on my back in an air conditioned room..